Baby Goggles

Due to my major, I'm constantly bombarded with pictures of children. Not ugly ones either. CUTE ones. We also talk about them non-stop. Go figure.

So after I come home from class everyday, I have this crazy urge to get one.

They have mail order babies. I've checked.

Then I spend a good hour thinking about what a good little mother i'd be. I'd cut the crusts off of PB&Js and do little crafts for daddy with them... I'd probably even let my kids get a puppy. I'd be THAT cool.

That's about the time when I remember, I don't have a boyfriend. Kids are very far off for me.

Then I think about how much kids cost.

Then I think about how much husbands cost.

Then I remember, maybe I don't want them after all.

Nope. Still want them.

Fashion commandments.

#1. Thou shalt never wear a fleece vest.

#2. Thou shalt never wear rimless glasses.

#3. Thou shalt never tuck your shirt into your jeans unless you're a dad.

#4. Thou shalt never share clothes with your wife.

#5. Thou shalt never wear free t-shirts more than 3 days a week.

#6. Thou shalt never mix plaids and polka dots.

#7. Thou shalt never wear anything supporting products you aren't familiar with because said products could be massively illegal and/or racist.

#8. Thou shalt never wear leggings in place of real pants.

#9. Thou shalt never wear a shade of eyeshadow that you can't even find in nature.

#10. Thou shalt never wear clothes that you have to use double sided tape to hold in place.

R. U. N.

R- Are

U- You

N- Nuts?

Why, yes! Yes I am!

I'm exhausted today. It's the last day of the week. I've had lots of tests over the last few days and tons of late nights in the library. I've been nervous about my long run all week. It's 8 miles and I was supposed to go on it about 2 hours ago. Sometimes I'm not sure my body can go that far. Then I remember that I'm not dealing with the same body I had a year ago. I've been training for this. I've been working for this. I can do this.

Right?

Right. Which is why I am going to get off blogger/facebook and go fight the pavement.

And win.

Sometimes...

it would be nice to be the exception.

Perfect Crimes

"What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he's the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier." Dwight K. Schrute

This week I have exactly 4 tests. I ended up dropping one of my classes so instead of taking 19 credits, I'm now only taking 16. But still... it's like finals week. Almost. I really wouldn't mind if I didn't have to take them all in the testing center. The people that work there are vicious. Your jeans can't have any fraying at the bottom or any tears in the knees. You can't be wearing sandals or anything that remotely looks like them. If your jeans happen to be ankle jeans (a.k.a. really bad high waters, but on purpose because they're skinny jeans) they will accuse you of wearing capris and send you home. I guess ankles and armpits are just too darn sexy.

Speed dating.

Who would you pick?

*Names have been changed, as long as I was able to figure out a different one that adequately fit their personality and looks

#1. Hey! My name is Conner. I enjoy running marathons and listening to music. I have stellar style and will make you feel amazing when I'm with you. However, I'll only talk to you every 2 weeks and it has to be after 10 pm and on a week night.

#2. How's it goin'? I'm Logan. I dig sports and making you feel like a princess! I also like to read and watch classic movies. Not with you though. I just like to look at you. You don't even have to talk., in fact, it's better if you don't.

#3. Hey... what's up? I like to go by Bryan. I'm super down to earth and love doing all the same things you do. I'm also really patient and have a solid, super fun personality. Unfortunately, I'm giving you the "friend vibe", so.... ya.

For once, I'm mildly grateful I have little to no options.

(P.S. Just in case you were getting any crazy ideas... These are my friends' choices.... She's leaning towards #3 and just stickin' it out to see if anything changes)

(I'm also mildly grateful she doesn't read my blog)

Conference was bomb.com.

So was the pineapple I bought yesterday.

Want to be my friend? Send me dried mangos. They don't have them here.

When percocet isn't available...

try making a list of things that could be worse!

Like so.

10 things that are most definitely worse than a dateless, homework-filled saturday night:

1. Having 10 kids under that age of 5 (it could totally happen!)

2. Being in a Chinese jail

3. Waking up with a mouse on your face

4. Balding

5. Peeing your pants on a first date

6. Being an only child

7. Eating too many brownies and throwing up

8. Having no sense of humor

9. Getting a -10% on a final

10. Having a dateless, homework-filled friday night

See? Works like a charm :)