Don't tell my husband.

Sometimes I secretly wish I was pregnant so I could have a legitimate reason for gaining weight.

Imagine...

... that I am speaking with a super intense movie preview guy voice....

One Campus.... One library job position.... Thirty applicants.... ONE. GIRL'S. DREAM.

(now imagine way spooky intense orchestral music)

Opening in a theater near you on April 22, 2011

Honey...moon me.

There is so much nudity in marriage... I don't think I realized this before a week ago.

So the story goes like this.

I wake up to a text a 6:00 am in the morning on April 12. It's from my lover and it says, "Love you babe, can't wait to see you". Who could get cold feet after that?

Then we get married at the Salt Lake Temple at 11:00 am. The slight drizzle outside made my hair frizz up like a mo-fo. I didn't care though, because the whole time we were taking pictures my new husband was squeezing my hiney.

Then we do the reception. It was beautiful :) almost everyone we love the very, very most was there.

Then we do the Anniversary Inn. Our bed was in a tree. Elephants and waterfalls played a part that night. 'Nuff said.

Then we do Rexburg. No gas in our temporary apartment= no hot showers, heat, stove, oven, etc. We opened lots of presents, took back lots of presents and ogled at people's generosity.

Then we do Spokane. The reception at The Glover Mansion was incredibly fancy and gorgeous. Loved. It.

Then we do the davenport. The ginormous urban outfitters bag that I was lugging around that held my entire collection of lingerie (or linguini as my husband calls it) broke right in the middle of the lobby. Every bit of lace, strappy thingies and silk (and other unmentionables) I own was strewn about for the entire world to see.

Then we do Rexburg again. No gas still.

Then we do school today. No shower in 4 days= nast to the eeeee.

Suggestions?

So today I thought that Austin played a really good April Fool's Day joke on me when he told me that the apartment we signed the lease for isn't going to be available until about 3 weeks after we need to be moved in. SUCK.

Here are our options:

Option 1: March into the rental office (with copy of signed contract in hand) and demand financial compensation for the hotel we might have to stay in for three weeks.

Option 2: Bring up Austin's parents tent trailer and park it at Wal-mart. We could take showers at the gym and be 115% white-trash.

Option 3: Find another apartment that isn't going to cost us both arms and legs to live in for the next 4 months.

Option 4 (proposed by my parents): Find another newly wed couple and ask if we can sleep on their couch. This so would not work for about a million different reasons that I bet you could guess.

There ya have it! We will most likely be pitching a tent in somebody's back yard. Or we will be making a sign that says "If the car's a-rockin' don't come a-knockin'" to put on our trailer.

We're so classy.

I invented a new game.

It's called the make-eye-contact-with-someone-and-then-not-look-away-until-they-feel-so-awkward-they-turn-and-walk-the-other-way game.

I played it on accident today. I was talking on the phone thinking about something completely different but I guess I was hard-core staring down this dude. I broke my concentration just long enough to realize that he had an awkward look on his face and was getting up to move to a different chair out of my line of sight.

I was so amused by this, that I played the game (on purpose) three other times today. People don't like you looking at them it turns out...

Shoot.

"Angry people are not always wise."

I don't know who said that, but they were right. Just ask that stupid tow man I yelled at for 20 minutes this morning.

BCP=PMS

I think I've cried enough this week to last me the rest of the year.

My life is great. Actually it's more than that. It's almost perfect.

But that doesn't mean I don't cry about whether or not we'll have enough money to pay for tuition and food next semester without donating plasma twice a week.

That doesn't mean I don't cry every time I think about my BRCA lab results coming back tomorrow.

That doesn't mean I don't cry when people I love make the wrong decisions.

That doesn't mean I don't cry when I think about my stupid birth control pills making me gain weight right before my wedding.

And that doesn't mean I don't cry when I have finals coming up in a week, I haven't even started on my DIY projects for my wedding and I can't remember where I put my keys.

I'm blaming it on the extra dose of hormones I pop every morning. Screw you Junel.