Once Upon a Time...

...I decided to run a marathon.

And then I died running 18 miles on a treadmill.

The End.

True Story.

Thinspiration.

If you need a confidence boost go to Ann Taylor! They make all their pants really big so you'll end up being at least a size smaller than you really are. Who cares though? It's all about the number isn't it?

I didn't end up getting the fabulous skinny chords I tried on there though.

Instead I got 2 more pairs of Vigoss jeans.

F.Y.I. Nordstroms dressing rooms have 3D mirrors and bad lighting.

I recommend putting on Spanx for when you try on clothes there...

New jeans are the bomb.com. They're always a tad too tight so as soon as I get home I lean back on my bed, button them up, do 80 different yoga stretches in them and then wear them for at least 48 hours straight.

It's always a better idea to get jeans a size smaller than you think you might be. Too-tight jeans are easier to disguise than too-loose jeans.

Besides, SBS (saggy butt syndrome) looks good on no one.

Too-tight jeans are also good for motivation purposes. Think of them as "thinspiration" next time you squeeze your love handles into them.

And then promptly listen to that one Beautiful song Christina Aguilara or whoever sings...

Christmas List

We've all been on a plane before. It takes you forever to load the plane because you didn't feel like forking out the extra $100 dollars for bottled water and 2 inches of extra leg room in first class. Then you have to find a place to stuff your "carry on" (because you didn't want to pay 50 bucks to check it) in the over head compartment. You end up crawling over the cast of the Biggest Loser to get to your middle seat (stuff your "personal item" a.k.a. your overly sized backpack between your legs) and then you drown out the flight attendant safety instructions for the next 30 minutes before the plane finally backs up. Then you put 3 pieces of gum in your mouth so that when you achieve altitude your ears don't explode.



And then you pull out Sky Mall and spend the next hour laughing at all the things they're trying to sell you. At least that's what I do.


Note, the training toilets come in different sizes and there is a Step-by-step training DVD included....

Is there adhesive on the back of these? How long does it last? Wouldn't you be constantly worried your right cheek was gonna sag?

Just in case you can't read what it says, "It features a Wish Pocket that lets you carry your fondest wishes with you wherever you go." Cool. So basically it's a snuggie with a pocket.

Just last night I was looking all around for my cell phone. I wouldn't have lost it in the first place if I had bought this fashion forward accessory!



Last but not least, the famous cookie diet. I would love to loose 10 pounds and 2 jacket sizes in 2 days eating cookies... I bet it works almost as good as the new Taco Bell diet...



The sad part is, these things are only in the magazine because people actually buy them.


That says a lot about America...

It's Not What It Looks Like

Awkward things to look up in the middle of the library where everybody can see your computer screen include:

-The Ku Klux Klan

- In Vitro Fertilization Alternatives

- Early on-set of puberty

What do all of these things have in common?

....I have had to google image all of them in the last 2 hours for homework purposes.

Today I also discovered something I fear worse than bananas.

Have you seen the new Narnia movie? This picture is of one of the actors in it.

I swear if I have an ugly kid, I'm putting it back.

Ha! Just kidding. Kind of.

Not for the faint of heart...

I've been running a lot lately... like a lot, a lot. It's really nice being thin. The only part that sucks is that I don't fit into any of my bras anymore! I've shrunk half a cup size.

I shouldn't be complaining though. I've been told it goes like this:

Your boobs in your 20s are nice and melon-like.

Your boobs in your 30s are like pears. Still good, but maybe just beginning to droop a bit.

Your boobs in your 40s are like onions. Why?

...Because they make you cry when you see them...

I've also been told it goes like this: (courtesy of my religion professor)

Women are like crock pots. They take a while to get hot when you turn them on, but once they're hot, they take forever to cool down.

So what does that make men?

Exactly. Frying pans.

Copy Cat

I happened upon the most delicious blog this weekend.

tandsdaybook.blogspot.com

If you:

-Like fashion

-Like lipstick

-Like beautiful photos

-Like copying other people's blog ideas

-Want inspiration for working out ( the girl is a size zero)

Then: YOU WILL LOVE THIS BLOG.

She basically takes a photo of her outfit every day and blogs about what she's wearing and the cute things her husband says and does for her. Her name is Sydney Poulton? Or something close to that at least. She's a student here at BYU-Idaho and when I grow up I want to be like her.

This is what I wore today:

Jeans: Nordstroms, Boots: Rocket Dog, Button-up: American Eagle, Cardigan: Shades Clothing, Belt: Deseret Industries.

I'm definitely not a size 0. Nor do I have a super hot, talented husband to take glamorous photos of me.

Instead I am size 4 on a skinny day and a mac that I can only position to capture 3/4 of my body.

Awkward: Having to explain to 3 different people that my nails spell 'Make-out' in Hungarian. Thanks to my boyfriend.

Awesome: Discovering that I love dirty hair lots, LOTS better than clean hair. I'm going green.

Date Night.

Have I mentioned how great my boyfriend is yet?

He does things like run 14 miles with me and runs all over town trying to find me an orchid.

Anywho...

It was my turn to think of a date idea last night.

Naturally, I chose duck catching.

What? Like you haven't done it before?

Dressed to Kill....

...myself.

Last night I slept with a down comforter, a wool quilt and a thick fleece blanket on top of me and I swear I could still see my breath when I poked my head out of the covers this morning. I quickly rolled over to see how much time I had given myself to get ready for the day.

25 minutes. Perfect.

I straightened my hair at the speed of light and whipped on a couple coats of my almost dried out mascara (I have yet to find the world's most perfect mascara/wand combination). I glanced out the window and saw thick, fluffy, whimsical snow flakes scattering through the sky.

Wet socks suck so boots it is! I decided on my light brown, 3-inch heeled, knee-high leather boots.

Bad idea.

SUPA bad idea actually.

I've kept a tally of how many times I've ended up sprawled about on the pavement due to lack of traction.

So far I'm up to 4 and the day is hardly half over.

Note to self: Nobody notices how totally hot your boots are when you're feet fly over your head because your balance and center of gravity blows and there's 2 inches of ice and slush on the ground.

Naughty Monkey D-Ring Boots. (A.K.A. world's most deadliest footwear)

Quotes

I was looking through my journal and my notes from last conference when I found this beauty:

" Refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought... Cultivate an attitude of gratitude."

-President Thomas S. Monson

I am definitely a quote person. I've written dozens on notecards and have them up all over my room. Lists of them are in my various journals and when I don't have anything to write them down with, they make their way into my cell phone.

Here are some of my favorites:

"Doubt thou stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt I love."

-William Shakespeare

"To wish you were someone else is to waste the person that you are."

-Anonymous

"Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."

-Albert Einstein

"You can't talk your way out of something you've behaved yourself into."

etc. etc.

-Stephen Covey

Thou Shalt Not Covet

Screw you Victoria's Secret Fashion show.

Major Update.

"Everything works out in the end. If it's not working out, it's not the end."

-Somebody infinitely wiser than myself.

Occasionally I feel like it's the end of the world.

Exhibit A: When I realized that I hadn't had a second date this ENTIRE semester, I thought it was the end of the world.

Exhibit B: When I had to run my first 12 miler and it was 2 degrees outside, I thought it was the end of the world.

Exhibit Z: When I discovered someone had eaten every last bit of the precious Tin Roof Sundae ice cream I bought, I thought it was the end of the world.

But Alas (gotta love that word)! 'Twas not the end of the world. Imagine that.

His name is Boston. Well, it's Austin. But his code name was originally Boston so I think I'll stick with that.

We've got 2.5 weeks until the end of the semester to make some magic happen.

Please send pixie dust our way!

What being poor really means.

I've been in the library since 12:30 pm today. It's now 8:00 pm.

My Dad would be very pleased with my current hydration level. I've had to use the bathroom 5 times since I've been here. Usually, I hate public bathrooms. I once held it for an entire day when we went camping because the outhouses were too gross for me. Did you ever go on a Pioneer Trek? I held it for 2 days when I was on mine because I refused to nature pee.

I'm not high maintenance, I promise. I just prefer to do business in a bathroom where I have no risk of contracting chlamydia.

My last trip to the David O. McKay Library 1st floor ladies room reaffirmed my fear of public restrooms.

I had my student identification card in my back pocket of my Vigross jeans from earlier today. You need it for everything you do here (from getting into the gym, to printing things off in the library). It's ten dollars to replace.

As I was pulling up my jeans, I heard a small clink.

Exploitive. Exploitive. Exploitive.

To make matters worse, the toilets flush automatically.

I had .356 seconds to decide whether I was going to reach my hand in and grab it, or let it go down and just fork over the ten dollars to replace it.

I did title this post, "What being poor really means" so I'm guessing you can figure out what I ultimately decided to do.

I am now googling "diseases that are contracted in bathrooms" and preparing for the worst.

In case I do not make it until tomorrow, farewell faithful blog followers. Until we meet again.